Fear of Failure | Career Choices

Dance exams


I have wanted to write this blog since March, when I first embarked on my new career path in education. This is all my own thoughts and opinions on the choices I’ve made in my life and looking back and how things could of been so different. But we make choices and we learn from the ones that weren’t so wise, and thats what makes us, well us! We have to live and learn, thats how we progress and develop in life…
Ever since I was around 8-9 years old, since the moment I received the VHS video of Cats the musical, my dreams in life were set… to be a musical theatre performer. To simply, dance!

I always try to live, like many others, with no regrets! But part of me now wishes that maybe I could of made different choices with regards to my education and career paths. (I think this comes from the thought of coming to terms with the fact I have moved on and changed my chosen career path into something completely different).

Not one part of me regrets going to a private dance college, where from 8-5 Monday to Friday I would dance, sing and act my socks off and I LOVED every minute of it! (Not to mention the endless parties!) Like many others, during your time training you always vision how your life will be performing all around the world doing your dream jobs. For some in the industry this is the case, but looking at the bigger picture it’s not always that simple… not everyone is going to be able to achieve their dreams and goals. Unfortunately, thats just the way life is and the harsh reality of the way the industry is… thousands of people graduate from the performing arts colleges year in, year out! So as time goes on you’re competing against more and more people for the same jobs! Not just the people graduating from your school, but from all over the country, and sometimes from all over the world. It’s an endless circle, a brutal one at that! Again, it isn’t a decision that I regret as it has helped shape me into the person I am today.

I always say to myself you shouldn’t have regrets. If anything we should live and learn from our life events.

A small part of me does wish that I had gone away to Uni and maybe studied a combined course, or even a course that is a little more open and versatile for potential jobs/careers at the end of it. If such thing exists?!

Going to auditions for cruise ships; and agents; and UK shows is so so SOOOOO brutal. It’s actually quite hard to describe what it is exactly like unless you have been in it and experienced it yourself. From the minute you walk into the room you are judged and I mean on EV-ER-Y-THIIIIING! From what you’re wearing; to how tall you are; how small you are; the colour of your hair; your body shape and we haven’t even got to the actual talent side of things yet! A lot of the time, casting directors wouldn’t even know what kind of look they were after until they saw the turn out of attendees on the day! Which always made you feel like it was impossible to try and gage what these companies were after and I never seemed to fit the bill. On a few occasions, however, I did get through to the end of the audition but then was the waiting game… and that was never fun! Waiting to hear (and sometimes never hear) if you have the job or not! It was completely sole destroying!

Part of the reason why I “quit” the industry if you like, or moved on was because the job I was in, just wasn’t working for me. The on-stage part was amaaaazing and I loved it. However the part of the job before and after the performance side of things just seemed to be taking its toll on me. I was constantly tired, I had to work hard to not get ill (so it seemed), and my stress levels would go through the roof. Basically there was just things that outweighed the pros of the job which also killed me a little inside.

I guess the purpose of this post is because I have changed career and no longer pursing a career in performing that I feel like a failure. A failure for not following through with performing. A failure for giving something up that I have done since the age of 3 and persisted with for 21 years! And overall, feeling like a failure to my parents. The people that have put up with show after show each year and dance competitions. Plus the added cost of costumes and dance wear, it kind of hurt me to think that I was letting them down after all this time and money. I know that they just want me to be happy with whatever venture I take, but I have a lot of respect for my parents – like anyone- so the thought of letting them down is going to have its affects on you.

At first, moving on to my new venture of working in a school, I felt like I couldn’t do it and that it was a challenge too big for me to take on! That I had made a mistake and I shouldn’t of done what I did. But looking back now, 7 months into my “unarranged back up plan” (if you like) I am so so glad that I stuck at it and got through it. It really does make you a stronger person for it!

*sings Kelly Clarkson – What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger*

I am still not sure what the long term future holds for me, career wise, but I know that no matter how much things don’t go the way you plan, you can always figure it out and as long as you put your mind to it; we will all be alright in the end.

“It’s never a loss, always a lesson”

Life is a funny ol’ thing. It doesn’t always pan out the way you think or plan it to, but we must keep going and eventually we will find the right path made for us.

I hope you enjoyed this insight to deep thoughts of my mind,

until next time

Han x


3 Replies to “Fear of Failure | Career Choices”

  1. I know exactly how you feel, I went to uni to study photography as my passion and I had this dream of being a wedding photographer and owning my own studio and my own business. reality caught up and I didn’t feel it was going to work so I turned to education, I regretted it when I first started my course and my placement because I thought “this isn’t me, I can’t be a teacher” but now about a month later I really enjoy it and can see myself as a long term teacher. It just shows that you can still have a passion and a career! Hope your education career goes well for you 🙂 xx

    Liked by 1 person

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